Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Update...

I went in for my appointment, thinking that they'd remove the bump and do a biopsy today. I'd get my results in a few days and everything would be done. What I thought would happen and what actually happened are two different things. The new doctor squeezed and poked at the bump, but did no surgery. He did a basic exam and asked me if my tattoos had any special significance or if I was a drug addict or promiscuous. He said that it was paramount to take samples and run tests. So, I've been rescheduled for Friday. The bump won't be completely removed, but a sectional biopsy will be run. Then a week after that, I have a follow up appointment and if there are any results, hopefully the bump will be removed (or in some fashion treated and eradicated) at that time or shortly thereafter.

It dawned on me on the drive home that this won't be quick and easy. It's going to be a long, drawn out affair that will be very expensive in the long-run. $80 here, $30 there... $15 here, $40 there... it's beginning to add up. During the drive home, it's as if a window opened up and I could see the future – a string of doctor's appointments, disrupted days and payments, payments, payments. This makes me profoundly tired.

How long can I remain nonchalant and unaffected? I don't want nor need the extra worries. I just want to make things.

25 comments:

Malin de Koning said...

Big hugs!

Alice said...

How frustrating that must be! I know doctors want to be cautious and do things right, but that is not always the most quickest route.

Go create. Cook one of your wonderful meals. Sit outside and enjoy the beautiful view. Cuddle your cats. Let your mind be filled with the good things.

Regina said...

Sending you happy thoughts. Some comfort food is in order.

SummersStudio said...

Oh dear, I had no idea you were going through this. It is quite amazing how it all adds up and how disruptive one thing is. I'm sending you comforting thoughts and adding you to my meditations.

Roberta said...

Ah the infamous "hurry up and wait". I'm sorry you now have to wait and worry for longer than you thought. Do they even realize what they put people through? Do they care?

Sending good thoughts to you.

SharonP said...

ah yes, the string along game--more money for them, more worry for you, not fun. Here's some good energy going out to you as well as heartfelt prayers.

kate mckinnon said...

I am frustrated on your behalf. Sometimes it does seem like they string things out to make more appointments, maximizing their billings. I hope that this isn't true, even if it really feels that way.

I was thinking about you today, for sure. And I'll think about you some more on Friday.
xxx
kate

Janet said...

What is so awesome and sensible about the UK is the Natl health Plan. Unbeatable no worries. But the biopsys take it one day at a time. I feel for you tho bc it is a real worry. As my Mother always said.."this too Shall pass" words that are so true. But I also have a strong faith on the Lord..that He has it ALL in control. Chin up..big huggs xoxoox

AST HRT said...

Thinking of you..
Best wishes and hugs...

Lynette said...

Gosh Andrew, from what you've said it seems to just be a cyst, that may or may not have to be lanced, however, the test are a must. Complete investigation takes time, a process that mostly depends on the skill of your Doctor, and yes money. Most clinics/hospitals have a charity fund -- start asking, and you may receive. Ask, and ask again. Don't be afraid to educate yourself about this. Yes it is a distraction to your passions, but embrace the moment, sometimes this kind of thing can bring unexpected gifts. This too is part of your journey. You are so beautiful Andrew, so very beautiful, and so love your little bump, and see what happens. I am sending you, your little bump, and the rivers and streams of your body lots of love energy. May the gods of bumps be happy to tickle and coach away the distraction. Kindness Always, Lynette

Lynn said...

I know all too well the fun times to be had with multiple Dr visits. I recommend a lot of patience, a good book, and a snugly jacket. And write down questions/comments you might have as they pop up - serves 2 purposes; 1) gets them out of your head 2) gives you a list to take with you. Be well!

The Paper Princess said...

I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this right now Andrew. I really feel for you and I pray that everything is ok. I know what you mean about just wanting to stay home and make things. I am sending big hugs your way.

Ramona
http://create-with-joy.blogspot.com

Zoe Nelson said...

I made the same comment about just wanting to make things to someone just the other day. Worry and concern are not good things for the creative soul. I'm wishing you the very best of possible results on your tests.

Kristen said...

Andrew it will be ok! You are getting this taken care of and that is what is important! I have been where you are and I know this is hard so just hang in there! On Friday you will get this part done and then on to the next. Don't over think and please do create it will help! Although my aim is a little off I am sending you happy thoughts and prayers and you can e-mail me if you want to talk!

MosaicMagpie said...

Why do they not remove the entire thing and then do their tests! This is another case of "milk it for all it's worth". Thinking of you.
Debbie

Imaginative Jewelry said...

Lots of hugs and tons of best wishes. I hope this goes faster than expected.

Lynn said...

I'm just catching up with your blog and was saddened to read this post. Hang in there and have faith!

Keep Calm and Carry On :)

lorrwill said...

HOLY COW.

I miss checking your blog for a little bit and all heck breaks lose.

I will keep positive thoughts in my heart for you, young Andrew.

Kinderhook said...

Still slinging those positive thoughts out to the Universe for you. Maybe you could explain to the doctor that you can't just come back time & again b/c you aren't insured. I think doctors take it for granted that people are and then milk it for all it's worth. Yet another reason for an overhaul of the health delivery systems in this country. Good luck!

Shaiha said...

I am so sorry that they seem to be stringing you along. I would definitely talk to the doctor to let him know that you don't have insurance. A lot of times they offer a lower rate for cash payments. Best wishes and energy coming your way.

jamberry_song said...

I hope it is nothing. Many of these bumps and lumps are harmless. Keep making things! Devote as little as possible to worry or anxiety; you will be better off for it and you will heal faster. :)

VanBeads said...

Hang in there, Andrew. Try to stay positive. Do what you can for yourself - eat well, get enough rest, and make sure you spend time with your family. Most of all, don't stop creating. The power of your creativity will help you through this!

Ellen Stoune said...

It all just sucks! I'm so sorry you have to give a moment's energy to worry and fear. But you have us, your megahuge web support group, and we are all hoping the best for you. I can't help but think all that good energy will help 'move your mountains', so to speak.

Take care.

Chacoy said...

Andrew, I am new to your blog but want you to know that it is all going to be ok!
I had a bump on my upper arm, right below my shoulder and it gradually got bigger and bigger and eventually looked like a permenant bruise. It hurt badly and it didn't make it easier that my son would poke me there saying, 'mom, mom!'
I went to a dr appointment for a cough I couldn't get rid of but my dr couldn't stop staring at my arm and I told her to stop staring at my bruised lump, she sent me over to have a biopsy which I will tell you was very painful but well worth it! Mine turned out to be cancer-Dermotofibroma Sarcoma Partuberans. It is a rare cancer because it usally appears in the neck & face and I got it in my arm. I have since had 3 surgeries and luckily they think that they have gotten all of it!!
I believe that things happen for a reason, and this might just be yours to tell you something about yourself in your life.
Please don't take this the wrong way, I just want you to know that everything will work out for you and be amazing!
All my best~
Kindly,
Chacoy

quiltingjewel39 said...

Sorry for the frustrations. Prayers and good thoughts going out to you.