All of a sudden a startling revelation came to me. I hadn't drawn or painted anything since I gave up my studio. Nothing at least that I could remember. And I was frightened. What was happening to me? Was I still an artist? Why did I go to art school for nothing? If I'm not an artist, why am I here in New York?
Semi-conscious, I proposed a challenge to myself: To get up and do a drawing. If I didn't get up, if I didn't make a drawing... then I wasn't an artist anymore.
So, I crawled out of bed, still groggy and exhausted and dug through my boxes. My supplies were all still packed up from the move. I pulled out paper and a pencil and began to sketch. Below is the quick self-portrait I did. It felt good to have the pencil in my hand again. Even though it was a challenge to begin again, it was a nice one. I guess according to my wager, I'm still an artist.
7 comments:
BRILLIANT!
Bravo for conquering your inner-battle!
Ahhhh.... to draw.
XoxoxoX
Good for you! And you'll always be an artist, even if it should seem to come and go in your life. My thoughts were on creativity last night, too, and my own inner battles with it in relation to being able to express myself and feel 'safe' in doing that. I wrote a bit on the retrograde today that you might find meaningful, too.
I don't ever think that I won't be an artist. Whether or not I'll be successful commercially is another question. But it was nice to get back in touch with my passion.
Doing what you need to do to survive, the things you tell yourself that you have to do so that you can make work and feed off of the energy of an amazing City, can often times distract you from your goals.
I think I was reminding myself that I needed to start again. That I needed to re-focus and reconnect.
Sometimes it's a very difficult balance, and a lot of people will opt for practicalities over passion. I don't think that's something that you could ever do, and it's just really good to see you doing art again!
I like the planes. really nice to look at.
you probably don't care about my opinion but... sometimes it's a good thing to just be yourself and wait untill the tickle comes back and forces you back on your drawing board. then, after all that time spent not being an artist, just being yourself in the world, you discover that it all comes back into your art, everything was just there waiting to come out.
who wants to be an artist if it's all about schedules and daily occupation anyway?!
byw, I like your blog :)
Xtian,
I can see what you mean. About letting things come back to you on their own. But sometimes I feel like there is a choice. Like I can decide to be unhappy or happy. I can decide to make work or not make work.
Thanks for stopping by. I remember liking your blog the last time I saw it. I'll definitely have to check it out again.
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