A Place Called Home...

The basics of physical survival rely on a need for shelter, food, drink, sleep, and air.  When any of these needs aren't being met, our very own mortality comes into question.  We know that it's more complicated than that, but at the core these primal necessities guide our actions and have profound impacts on how we live our lives.

Just over two years ago, William and I set out to find a home of our own.  To be honest, it's not something that I ever thought would happen for me.  When I was younger, I lived a more transitory life and moved every year or so.  The idea was appealing, but it didn't seem like a match for my lifestyle.  Later, it just seemed impossible.  I accumulated a huge student loan amount and that had long-reaching effects.  When I was 18, I didn't know anything about debt to income ratios or credit scores or deferment.  The words "principal" and "interest" had far different associations back then.

But as our small business dreams grew and we set down roots in the community, homeownership seemed more possible with each passing day.

After searching for awhile through the conventional means, we turned to... of all places... Facebook.  We had just looked at a house, but it fell through because it was in a flood zone and the flood insurance was more than the mortgage.  We were sort of desperate and had already mentally started the process of moving on from the place where we used to live.  I put a post out on Facebook not knowing what to expect, if anything at all.  Surprisingly, at least for me, I heard back about this house.

The first time we saw it, we both loved it.  It wasn't "perfect" or "fancy" but it felt like home.  The people who had the house before us lived here for years. They raised a family and now their children have children.  The house was cared for and loved and a place where those happy memories could be felt.  While the house that we looked at before this one was nice, there were a lot of compromises... including a basement that flooded.  This house had a better energy and felt more... right.

And then things fell through.

Because of the situation of the homeowner and our finances, we just couldn't make the numbers work out.  It was disappointing.  I saw myself with William swinging on the porch, talking and laughing.  I saw us planting a garden and playing with Paulo and Babette on the stairs.  When I dreamed, I dreamed of this house and I could see it so clearly in my heart and mind.

When we couldn't make it work, we were crushed.  But we were hopeful and kept looking.

We were about to place a bid on another house, one that we didn't love, but could see the benefits of.  And then we heard from the daughter of the homeowner.  We had grown friendly over the course of us looking at the house and they wanted to make it work.  So, we set up a lease to own option.  Of course, this oversimplifies everything, but despite the highs and lows, we finally found a place called home.

Two years passed in the blink of an eye.  A few months ago, our contract ended and we began the process of officially purchasing the house.  Much had changed since we first started looking, including William moving over to the store full-time and becoming fully self-employed.  Being self-employed (and not being rich) and trying to buy a house is an exercise in endurance and torture.  The amount of paperwork and back and forth between lenders, banks, lawyers, credit card companies, and everyone else is truly astounding.  When I read articles about Millennials not buying houses nowadays, I can see why!  It's not the easiest thing to do when you're an entrepreneur.

We finally got everything to align.  Many thanks to our financial people, our family, our friends, the family we are buying the house from, and everyone involved.  To get to this point has required so much patience, fortitude, and good-will.  We so very much appreciate everything and for enabling us to live our dream.

The last step was an appraisal and home inspection.  This is very nerve-racking for me.  For one, I'm somewhat territorial.  When I've created a nest, I only allow a few people into it.  I also have this somewhat irrational fear of being judged.  So an appraisal is sort of a double-whammy of anxiety.  Strangers coming into your home who's sole job is to judge you and your house.  Our small business spills over into our home a lot and that means that it isn't the tidy, neat, organized abode straight out of the magazine pages.  It's not "dirty", so much as visually chaotic and cluttered.  I know where everything is, but it doesn't look like anyone would.  In addition to our everyday clutter, we have tackled a few DIY projects that we work on as time and money allow.  Also, in my mind, the worst case scenarios play out... where they'll notice a hairline crack or a chip in the paint and everything will fall through again.  I think that because I'm also gay and a minority, it adds even more pressure, because I'm always worried that they might not have worldviews that align with ours and they'll retaliate.

I try to engage in positive thinking and manifesting the best outcome, but when one of the basic needs for survival is threatened, such as shelter, it can heighten the emotions and up the crazy factor by ten. I know that worrying doesn't make anything better, but it's easier said than done.  For the past few weeks we've been cleaning, stressing, finishing projects, stressing, cleaning some more, stressing some more, and just sort of trying to maintain life all while internally freaking out.

We got most of the major projects out of the way, including finally finishing painting the cabinet doors and hanging them.  We have been without kitchen cabinet doors for the last two years.  I have been up for two solid days cleaning until every muscle aches and my hands are bleeding from a combination of dry winter skin and cleaning chemicals.  And while it might seem like I'm complaining, I'm happy to do it.  I'm happy to do whatever is needed to make sure that everything works out.

And... now... we... wait.  We are hopeful that everything works out favorably and we can finally put this process behind us and finally enjoy living in our own home.  We are ready.

Ace of Swords & the Oyster...

1/4: Ace of Swords,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Oyster, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Picking Up the Crown...

A few months ago, my friend Lennis of Windbent sent me a link to an article.  The post was called, "Becoming Sovereign" and was created by the fine folks of One Willow Apothecaries.  CLICK HERE to take a look at it.

The words and images stuck with me.  As the world descends into the depths of winter, we are called to look inward.  The outside world, cold and uninviting, becomes a mirror that asks us to look deeper and to examine who we are and how we live our lives.

Over the last year (and before that), I've been swept up in politics.  Many of the things that I care about deeply have undergone attacks at the hands of the current administration.  I am happy to agree to disagree, as we all have our own reasons and motivations for doing what we do... however, after daily threats to the things I love, there has been this psychological breach and it feels like I'm hemorrhaging all my energy.  I feel tired and worldweary much of the time.  I grieve for those without voices and am angered by the blatant hostility and derisiveness.  I've grown to feel powerless.

And as I sit in front of my window and look out on the cold landscape, I go inward.  And I see that I've allowed outside influences to diminish my personal power.  I've given control over to others and given permission to others to determine my mental wellbeing and emotional equilibrium.  And that just doesn't sit right with me.

So, I was moved to regain my personal power.  To win back my clarity and focus and realign how I let the outside world impact me.  Easier said than done!  Basically I've had to do a lot of self-work on finding out where I want to go and how I want to get there.  One of the ways, is to embrace my creative process again.  When you make a living off of what you create, it's an easy pitfall to allow your physical needs to take priority over your mental, emotional, and spiritual.  "I'm going to make what sells so that I can pay my bills."  There's this sense of satisfaction when you're engaged in making, but it's a false sense of satisfaction if it isn't rooted into something deeper.  So, I have been mindful to follow my muse and not get distracted.  Again, easier said than done.

One of the things that I did to kind of embrace my thoughts and feelings was to create this polymer clay coin pendant.  It says "sovereign" and pays homage to the original article.  In all likelihoods, this will probably not be a best seller.  It's an obscure enough word not to have that ready accessibility.  It also has a lot of connections to monarchy and that isn't always a popular idea.  Even so, I wanted to tap into something deeper and harken back to the original post – to regain personal power and follow your own heart and mind and not be subject to the whims of the outside world.

These will eventually make their way to the Allegory Gallery Etsy shop and the brick-and-mortar.  CLICK HERE to take a gander at our online shop and see some of the fun things we've got there, including some of my quote and word pendants!

The Lovers & the Lamb...

1/3: The Lovers,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Lamb, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Christi's Creative Neighborhood...

I adore Christi Friesen!  She's so witty and creates such whimsical creations.  Plus, she's just "good people".  I've known her for several years and she's always been someone to encourage and uplift others.  One of the ways that she does that is that she has a group called Christi's Creative Neighborhood.  (CLICK HERE to check out the Facebook group.) She is one of the most generous artists that I know and is constantly giving away tips, tricks, and techniques.  The Circle is where she goes one step further with paid content.  I was fortunate enough to be asked to participate as a guest artist contributor.

January's theme in the Creative Neighborhood is "New Beginnings".  How apt!  My contribution focuses on some of my philosophies as an artist and talks a little about some things you can do to keep your process fresh and inspiring and constantly moving forward.  Hopefully participants will find it useful and motivational!  CLICK HERE to find out more about Christi's Creative Neighborhood.

Ginkgo Leaf Bracelet...

I've been on a bracelet kick lately!  This is unusual for me, because I usually tend towards making necklaces and earrings.  This latest bracelet is made up of a sterling silver chain embellished with electroplated faceted druzy rounds, faceted labradorite, teeny tiny Swarovski crystals, and ginkgo leaf charms.  To bring it all together, I used a swivel lobster claw clasp.  (Which, by the way, I can't sing the praise of the swivel lobster claw high enough.  They make putting on bracelets easy-breezy!)

This bracelet has a surprising amount of shimmer and sparkle.  The wire-wrapped dangles really give this bracelet a lot of movement and it makes the facets dance!

When I initially set out to make this bracelet, I was just going to focus on the stones.  The more I looked at it though, it needed something.  I had these great little ginkgo leaf charms and I thought they were just perfect.  The ginkgo leaf is a symbol for longevity, endurance, and strength.  They are also representative of hope and peace.  As we embark on another new calendar year, I think these are all good things to carry with us.

If you're interested in acquiring this bracelet, you can email Allegory Gallery at info@allegorygallery.com.

Ace of Pentacles & the Frog...

1/2: Ace of Pentacles,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Frog, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Animal Charm Bracelet...

A few months ago, I was commissioned to create a charm bracelet for an animal lover.  They wanted a menagerie of animal charms to adorn their wrist.  I just love charm bracelets!  They have such a narrative quality.  I remember looking through a friend's collection of antiques and estate jewelry once and my friend had this amazing charm bracelet from a young woman's trip across Europe.  Each little charm was purchased along the way and included drilled train tokens and foreign currency.  When I looked at the bracelet, it was like I was following along with her on her journey.  Charm bracelets have such a wonderful collected feel.

I decided to use sterling silver charms from Nina Designs.  They have a great selection of animal charms that were perfect for this project.  (We carry some of them in the shop and started listing a few of them online.) The base chain that forms the foundation of the bracelet that the charms dangle from was actually two different kinds of sterling silver chain that I've been hoarding for years.  I ended up taking apart all the links and reconfiguring them into one chain.  The wearer is active, so I used a lobster claw clasp as the closure.

I quite like the finished piece.  It has a lot of movement and each little pendant is so charming.  (No pun intended!)

The High Priestess & the Turtle...

1/1: The High Priestess,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Turtle, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Skull Dolly Collages...

Skull Dolly collages by Andrew Thornton.

After I released the Spirit Doll Series, I thought about how they reminded me of corn dollies and worry dolls given to expecting mothers. Both are connected to ideas of fertility and life. And the more I thought about it, the more that I thought about how there is no light without shadow. There is no life without death. And so... tired as I was, I got up and set to work. I made another series of affordable small-scale pieces. I call this collection, "Skull Dollies".

Detail of Skull Dolly 15 collage by Andrew Thornton.

When I work, I generally make a few extra if I can.  It's not a lot of additional effort when everything is all set up and the process is in motion.  Once they're complete, I have my pick of the litter for what I think will best suit a particular project or just strikes my fancy that day.  I had the backgrounds ready to go from working on the Spirit Dolls and once I had the idea to create the skull paintings/collages, I fell into work easily.  There's something very satisfying about this format and size.  They have a similar weight and feel as tarot cards.

In making the Skull Dollies, I revisited some of the inspiration from the previous series and pulled new insight from Mexican sugar skulls, memento mori, and masks.    CLICK HERE to see them in the online store.

Update: They are all sold out!  Many thanks to everyone who has expressed interprets in them.

Detail of Skull Dolly 11 collage by Andrew Thornton.

Spirit Doll Collages...

Spirit Doll collages by Andrew Thornton.

Here is a series of affordable small-scale pieces that I created called, "Spirit Dolls".  They're colorful and (hopefully) endearing with their little round faces and dreamy eyes.  This collection was inspired by Russian nesting dolls, Prims (primitive Americana folk dolls/toys), Japanese kokeshi dolls, textiles, and previous bodies of work. Each mixed media piece is composed of watercolors, acrylics, colored pencils, pen, ink, metallic pigment, salt, and collage on thick watercolor paper. The pieces measure 3" X 5" and are all priced $25 each.  CLICK HERE to see them in the online store.

Detail of Spirit Doll 10 collage by Andrew Thornton.

One of the things that I've noticed in working with paintings and collages again and immersing in this process is that I've undergone a "great forgetting".  I had to forget, in order to remember.  Before I went to art school, I made things because I felt compelled to create them.  There was something deeper there – a connection to half-remembered dreams and swirling faces in the dark.  And when I went to college, I learned a lot of new techniques, but I also learned a lot about art history and context and theory.  While it was empowering in some regards, it also stifled me in others.  I felt obligated to understand the artwork and be able to "Art Speak" about it.  I worried not only if it was "good" or "bad", but I also wanted to make something that fit into this great big picture of thousands of years worth of human expression and idea.  So, understandably (at least to me), I felt bogged down and burnt out.  How can you fly when you're carrying so much weight around?  Over the past decade, I've been consciously unlearning and untraining myself.  Instead of seeing something and cross-referencing it with manifestos and movements, I've tried to see the "beauty" in it first and be guided by my dreaming self, more intuitive and subconscious and less critical.  The things I've learned are still there, but I want them to take a backseat to the things I've felt instead.

I'm still working on it.

But it's liberating to finally sort of feel like my old self again.  Hello, stranger!  It's been awhile.

Ultra Violet...

Usually when I begin a new project, I start off by making inspiration boards or color wheels.  I find that it's helpful to get you in the mindset of a particular project.  I also feel that our color sensibilities grow and change over time, so it's helpful to stay in touch with our current color attitudes and aesthetics.  Before Pinterest, there were a whole lot of pins and glue and magazine clippings involved.  Now, everything is all tidy and contained on the screen.  Here are a couple of mood boards I created from images I snagged off of Pinterest and the internet after doing a few quick searches.

Sometimes when you see a color in nature or "in situ" new color stories develop. Correlations with other colors become apparent.  For instance, looking at the pictures of the mushrooms and the wisteria, a cool-tone green is a pleasing pair with the purple.  (Oddly enough, when these two colors are mixed, there is a rich, middle-tone gray is the end product.) Alternatively, look at pictures of the pansies, figs, and amethysts – to punch up the warmth of the purple, use contrasting yellows and warm creams.  To lighten the shade of purple, pair it off-white and neutral light grays, like in the image of the macaroons and the doorknob.  To deepen the intensity, match it with black and navy, such as the pictures of the galaxy and the lightning strike.

Color is a remarkable thing, because it is so personal.  When I see this color, I think of picking wild violets and carrying around a tin of violet flavored pastilles that my sister brought me back from France.  I think of the color of the desert at twilight and of old bottles in antique stores.  I think of laying on back on a bed of purple petals looking up at the twisted trunk of the wisteria in my childhood home's backyard.  I think of an amethyst slice that I saved my pennies for as a child to give to my mother for Mother's Day.  Beyond the personal connections, every color has an association and there are hundreds of reference books linking certain colors with symbolism.  Some of these meanings are derived from natural histories and the origins of the colors.  (A great read about this particular topic is "Color: A Natural History of the Palette" by Victoria Findlay.)

For some, this color represents royalty or mystery.  Some look to the earth and find a copious variety in flowers and plants.  Others look to the sky and see swirling nebulas and otherworldly displays of cosmic grandeur.  What are some of your favorite color associations with the hues of Ultra Violet?

Pantone Color of the Year 2018...

And the 2018 winner is....

Ultra Violet!  Earlier this year, I noticed that this was one of the few colors that appeared on both the New York Color Report and the London Color Report.  It's a dreamy shade of purple with a cooler base.

Leatrice Eiseman, the Executive Director of the Pantone Color Institute, said, "We are living in a time that requires inventiveness and imagination. It is this kind of creative inspiration that is indigenous to Pantone 18-3838 Ultra Violet, a blue-based purple that takes our awareness and potential to a higher level. From exploring new technologies and the greater galaxy, to artistic expression and spiritual reflection, intuitive Ultra Violet lights the way to what is yet to come."

You can read the full Color of the Year report by CLICKING HERE.  I really love how thoughtful they are when they consider their selections.

Seasons...

When I was young, I was a lonely child.  I would perch myself on top of the wooden fence and would try to entice the children from the daycare center next-door to talk to me.  I would offer gifts of tangerines as bribes.  If they wouldn't succumb to citrus, I would hold their toys hostage.  "Play with me or I'll bury your action figure."

When I got older, the wooden barrier was replaced with an invisible one.  Instead of gifts of fruit, I would offer up other things.  I would dangle my time, my energy, myself.  And if that didn't work, clearly it was them... not me.

I had always wanted others to like me.  I would go to such incredibly stupid lengths to get people to acknowledge and accept me.  Like me.  Be my friend.  Give me the love that I can't give myself.

When you claim your personal power, it becomes apparent that not all relationships are healthy ones.  Healthy relationships build off of each other and grow exponentially.  The energy in a healthy relationship is cyclical and builds momentum and force.  There's a magic in finding others who click.

Once we find others who we click with, it's so tempting to try to hold on and never let them go.  But sometimes relationships are like leaves.  We want to hoard them, pressing them between the pages of a book, and keeping them frozen in time.  But these golden moments don't last forever.  Even with the utmost vigilance, they can fade and become brittle.  I remember finding a dictionary at an antique store once and within it were pressed flowers.  Such a lovely discovery, but the moment I opened it, they started to fall apart and disintegrate.  Sometimes those leaves must be given back to the earth so that they take their role in a bigger cycle of growth and decay and renewal.  Everything has a season.

Upon learning of a friend's death, I am reminded of this.  Cherish the people in your life that make you MORE.  Honor the time you have together and be the best person you can be – not only for others in your life, but for yourself as well.  Drink in the nourishment of the people and experiences that enrich your life and be thankful for their gifts.  Their time with you may be short, shorter than anyone could ever predict.

Son of Wands & the Panther...

10/26: Son of Wands,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Panther, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

The High Priestess & the Fox...

10/25: The High Priestess,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Fox, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Three of Pentacles & the Octopus...

10/24: Three of Pentacles,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Octopus, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

The Lovers & the Bat...

10/23: The Lovers,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Bat, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Three of Cups & the Mouse...

10/22: Three of Cups,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Mouse, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Nine of Swords & the Nightingale...

10/21: Nine of Swords,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Nightingale, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Deep...

Mother of Cups & the Turtle...

10/20: Mother of Cups,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Turtle, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Cloud...

Finishing Products for Polymer Clay...

Over the years, I have been asked a lot of questions about the way that I make things.  I can sometimes be vague or tight-lipped.  Not because I'm stingy, but because the way that I make something might be very different than the way someone else makes it and not all the results are consistent or work for every application.  Sometimes, I'm also troubleshooting or inventing my own methods or techniques and I want to give it time and wear before I officially say anything to make sure that I'm not spreading misinformation.  And most importantly, I believe in the power of exploration and finding your own recipes unique to your own work.  Try new things and be creative!  You might surprise yourself!

One of the technique questions that I get A LOT is about how to treat polymer clay after it has cured.  And this is sort of a complicated question, because again, not all things work for all applications and there isn't one universal answer.

I thought that I would share my Top Five products for Protecting Polymer Clay.  Keep in mind that everyone has a different opinion and rarely do most people agree.  I've seen people get really bent out of shape about product reviews, and it is perhaps one of the reasons that I've been reluctant to share my findings.  So, if you read this and feel the urge to hop up and naysay, try to do so in a constructive manner... as these are products that I use on a nearly daily basis and are ones that I personally like.

Before I begin, I should mention that not all polymer clay pieces need to be sealed or finished.  Polymer clay is a miraculous product and when worked with properly can be nearly indestructible under normal wear and tear conditions, it's colorfast, and it's relatively lightweight.  So... see if you like the freshly baked surface and ask yourself if it's right for you.

1.  Wet/dry Sandpaper.  If the finish of baked clay just doesn't do it for you, you might want to step up your game by polishing your pieces with wet/dry sandpaper.  Use the lower grits for shaping and removing material.  Use the higher numbered papers for polishing.  And if you use multiple grits, start with the lower numbers and work your way up.  Another important note is to dab or dunk your pieces in water as you work.  This will keep down the dust (so you know, you don't have issues later on from breathing in particulates) and the mixture of polymer clay dust and water creates its own polishing compound.  This technique creates a satin-finish akin to hand-oiled wood.  This is great for flat objects or pieces that do not have a lot of recessed areas.

2.  Polyform Sculpey Gloss Glaze.  I can feel the eye-rolling from some polymer clay artists from here.  Marketed as a child's crafting supply, this material often times gets overlooked, but can be wonderfully useful.  When working with this glaze, stir the container gently and do not shake the contents!  Shaking makes bubbles and can create pockmarks.  Also, work in a dry, warm environment.  Work in thin, even coats.  If you want a thicker look to your glaze, wait for each layer to dry before adding new ones.  This material is great for adding gloss accents and has the shiny look of nail polish when cured.  The best part is that it can be cleaned up with soap and water, without needing a special cleaner.

3.  Kato Liquid Polyclay.  This product is quite versatile and has a lot of applications.  I might do some future video tutorials on it, as I am a smitten kitten with it.  I have found that this has one of the best translucencies of the liquid clays and can be used in a lot of faux techniques.  This material has a glossy finish, but not as glossy as the Gloss Glaze or resin.  It has a softer feel on the hands as well and creates a wonderful cold enamel look (think of those pins that are making a resurgence in popularity)!  The one drawback is that it can be straight up messy if you're not careful.  Because it never really dries until it cures, it can be quite sticky and will drip if you're not mindful.  This is good for flat surfaces or cured in sections, applied in thin coats.

4.  Swellegant Clear Matte Sealent.  How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways!  Developed by polymer clay artist, Christi Friesen, this product works in tandem with her line of patinas, tints, and oxides.  When shiny and glossy won't do, use this matte sealant.  It's great for sculptural pieces and can be applied with brushes or misters. (And when I say "misters" I'm not talking about dudes, but the spray bottle variety.)  When using this product, as with most, it's important that it is mixed thoroughly and that you work in light, even coats.  If you allow the product to puddle, it can create little chalky areas in the recesses.  If this happens, just go over it again and it should take care of that.

5.  Renaissance Wax.  This is another product that is much beloved in our household.  It is a petroleum based wax that was developed by the British Museum to take care of their armor collection and replaced beeswax, which can be sticky at times.  This is great for metal, ceramic, and polymer clay.  This is delightful for sculptural pieces and can achieve several different finishes.  Again, work in thin layers and try not to cake it on.  Use a soft cloth to apply it and to buff it.  The more you buff the piece, the more lustrous and satiny the finish will get.  One of the drawbacks is that since it is petroleum based, it can be a bit whiffy and can cause some folks to get headaches.

Now... here's a sticky subject... sometimes quite literally!  Not all sealants are created equally and you should be thoughtful of this as you try new things.  For me, I have found that most spray sealants just don't work.  The fun chemicals that allow the spray cans to not clog up and make it all misty also break down polymer.  They might be lovely at first, but then overtime, as the clay breaks down, the surface can become tacky and straight up cat hair magnets.  (I have heard a rumor about a spray sealant specifically designed for polymer, but I have used it yet.)  Also, nail polish.  While it might be tempting, as there are so many colors and effects and it is more readily available than a lot of the specialized surface treatments, it will also break down the polymer.  So don't get tricked into it!

Now that I've shared some of my favorites, what are some of your favorite sealants and surface treatments for polymer clay?

The Hierophant & the Deer...

10/19: The Hierophant,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Deer, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Filthy...

The Dark Mirror...

I once had a dream of waking up next to a pond.  It was nighttime and everything was infused with inky shadows.  The pond was circled with ropy vines and woven brambles.  I couldn't really see the twisted boundary, but I knew it was there with that omnipresent sight of dreams, a deeper knowing.  The surface of the water was still and glass-like, looking like polished obsidian in the dark.  As I looked harder into the water, I felt dizzy and the planes of reality seemed to shift.  No longer was the pond horizontal.  It was now somehow upright.  It had become a mirror.

I looked into the mirror, trying to find my face, but all I saw was polished black.  Tourmaline, spinel, onyx, and obsidian.  And then I saw tiny glowing red beads.  Two at first.  And then many.  I could feel them tickling my skin as the little red beads danced in some intricate pattern that I could not follow or understand in its complexity.  As my eyes continued to adjust, I realized, startled at first, that the little red beads were not beads after all... they were eyes.

I was covered in thousands and thousands of moths.

The tickling of their minuscule feet evolved into an extrasensory experience; feeling not just the feather-light touch of their feet, but the pumping of their gauzy wings and the weight of their fat, fuzzy bodies.  A sense of revulsion was my first instinct.  I wanted to frantically brush them away, freeing my skin from these creatures swarming over me.

When I was a little boy, I used to have a plastic house.  I can still remember the sweet, powdery smell of the plastic baking in the Florida sun.  I would spend hours in it, pretending to make food (stirring Spanish Moss around in spent margarine containers with a stick) and clean it (by rubbing it down with oil-stained rags my father used to wipe grease off lawnmower parts) and reenact what I thought it meant to own a house.  This basically meant that I would scold my imaginary child for being lazy and for not cleaning and for causing me trouble upon trouble.  I had piles of rocks and sticks that I liked that I would move from corner to corner of the little house with the little chair and the little rotary phone.  My siblings were all older than me and I was a lonely child.  I would conscript whoever would come near into my games.

One day, Hepifanio, a Mexican man who used to help my father in his landscaping business, was called over to my little plastic house.  I had big brown eyes, round cheeks, a mischievous smile and was a cutie pie.  It was not hard to lure my parents' friends and helpers over, to indulge the lonely child... even if only for a few minutes.  One of my favorite games was to pop the plastic shutters open and slam them shut again and scream, "We're not open!"  (Somehow my little house was also a business.)  The day that Hepifanio came over to play, his eyes got round and a startled muffle escaped his lips.  He said something I didn't understand.  Hepifanio snatched me up and set me aside and pressed my shoulders hard.  The force of the gesture said, "Stay."  I stood there, as still as I could, which was a hard feat for a precocious child.  He ran to the gold truck lightning fast and pulled out a shovel from the bed.  He rushed back over and speared the shovel into the ground.

What I had not noticed was that I was not alone in the little plastic house.

My visitor was a venomous coral snake, banded red, yellow, and black.  Hepifanio had plunged the shovel into the ground, separating the head from the body, and had probably saved my life that day.  

I stood in front of the dark mirror, covered in moths.  Instead of reacting to my initial feeling, that mix of horror and panic, I stopped.  I stood still.  I remembered that little plastic house and I stood still the way that I stood still for Hepifanio.  I've learned that if you stopped, stood still, you wouldn't get bit.  If you screamed and jumped around and swatted at the bee, the hornet, the wasp... you'd get stung.  If you were quiet and still, the feral kittens would emerge from hiding and play their pouncing games.  If you stood still, you could be a witness to the beauty of nature, friendly or lethal.

I marveled at the beauty of the fluttering wings.  As I looked closer, down at myself and into the mirror, I could see the patterns on the moths... little skulls on mottled yellow and brown bodies.  And then all at once, the moths released from my skin and took flight.  They flew into what I thought was a mirror, what I thought was a pond.  They passed through what I thought was a barrier and scattered into the other side of night.  And I followed after them.

I thought of this dream and childhood memory as I carved the death's head moth ornament.  (It can also be used as a large pendant, if one so desired.)  Moths are symbols of transformation and transitions and changes.  They are harbingers of journeys, both spiritual, emotional, and mental.  They deliver messages and seek the light in the dark.  Some believe that they warn of death, but what is death?  We are taught to be afraid of death.  We are taught to fear the unknown.  But death is another stage of life, when one thing must reach its end and we must let go of what we thought we knew and go forth.  Just because our eyes can't penetrate the dark of night does not mean it is devoid of substance or activity.  Moths are symbols of mystery.

If you're interested in acquiring one of these hand-painted pieces that I cast in resin, CLICK HERE.

Eight of Pentacles & the Scorpion...

10/18: Eight of Pentacles,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Scorpion, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.

Graceful...

Daughter of Swords & the Fox...

10/17: Daughter of Swords,  The Wild Unknown Tarot. Fox, The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck.