I spent the day quietly working, wondering about the card and the meaning. Sometimes it isn't until after the day is done that I really understand. When I got home, I checked my Facebook page and saw my Timeline lit up with rainbows, much like the card I pulled. I learned that the US Supreme Court had ruled in favor of nationwide marriage equality.
I don't often talk about sexuality, least of all my own. It is certainly something that is a part of me, but it is just one of many things that makes me who I am. But as a gay man, I've learned to tread carefully. Don't laugh too loud. Don't lisp. Don't act too effeminate. And definitely don't express affection to another person of the same sex in a public space. If you do, you'll draw attention to yourself and that attention could come with consequences. I come from a generation, hopefully the last, that was brought up believing that sex was dirty and unclean and that being gay was the worst of the worst – that it was a shameful thing. I remember hearing boogie man stories about gay men, how they preyed on children and spread disease. I remember hearing stories of how gay men were outsiders who were tortured and murdered, left tied to fence posts on rural roads. When I discovered my sexuality and felt all these feelings that were contrary to how I was raised, I was scared. I didn't want to be different.
Years later and after much soul searching, I've learned to let go of what scared me. I've had to unlearn the lessons of shame and guilt. I had to separate the truth from the fiction, to let old myths die and let new ideas take root. In my search for self, I had to find love. Not just finding another to love, but loving myself. Eventually, I embraced being "different". It is just another part of me. I sometimes still catch myself trying to blend in. It's hard to completely let go of old habits. It makes me a little sad when I see this in myself, because it is a reminder that I haven't come as far as I would like to think. I remind myself that life is a work in progress and the journey is still not over.
Today, I pulled the Two of Wands. I couldn't know that it meant, what it fully meant until now. The wands form an arrow that point to a bright future, where hate and bigotry are a thing of the past. The wands direct us to a hard won equality, where fundamental freedoms are acknowledged and respected. Today, love is the law. Success, indeed.
2 comments:
Your words help others understand. You are a teacher and a translator. You are an interpreter of life.
Great post, thanks for sharing.
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