Friday, June 26, 2015

Determination and Direction...

Everyday I pull a card from The Wild Unknown Tarot.  It helps focus my thoughts for the day and gets me in the appropriate mindset.  Plus, I love the illustrations by Kim Krans.  It's a beautiful deck and I could stare at the images all day.  After I pull a card, I look it up in the Guidebook.  I appreciate that the messages usually have a positive spin and even when there's an obstacle, there's also helpful hints on how to navigate troubling times.

Today I pulled the Two of Wands.  It's the card of Determination and Direction.  I smiled when I read the first line:  "With the two of wands it's clear you're on your way to success."

I spent the day quietly working, wondering about the card and the meaning.  Sometimes it isn't until after the day is done that I really understand.  When I got home, I checked my Facebook page and saw my Timeline lit up with rainbows, much like the card I pulled.  I learned that the US Supreme Court had ruled in favor of nationwide marriage equality.

I don't often talk about sexuality, least of all my own.  It is certainly something that is a part of me, but it is just one of many things that makes me who I am.  But as a gay man, I've learned to tread carefully.  Don't laugh too loud.  Don't lisp.  Don't act too effeminate.  And definitely don't express affection to another person of the same sex in a public space.  If you do, you'll draw attention to yourself and that attention could come with consequences.  I come from a generation, hopefully the last, that was brought up believing that sex was dirty and unclean and that being gay was the worst of the worst – that it was a shameful thing.  I remember hearing boogie man stories about gay men, how they preyed on children and spread disease.  I remember hearing stories of how gay men were outsiders who were tortured and murdered, left tied to fence posts on rural roads.  When I discovered my sexuality and felt all these feelings that were contrary to how I was raised, I was scared.  I didn't want to be different.

Years later and after much soul searching, I've learned to let go of what scared me.  I've had to unlearn the lessons of shame and guilt.  I had to separate the truth from the fiction, to let old myths die and let new ideas take root.  In my search for self, I had to find love.  Not just finding another to love, but loving myself.  Eventually, I embraced being "different".  It is just another part of me.  I sometimes still catch myself trying to blend in.  It's hard to completely let go of old habits.  It makes me a little sad when I see this in myself, because it is a reminder that I haven't come as far as I would like to think.  I remind myself that life is a work in progress and the journey is still not over.

Today, I pulled the Two of Wands.  I couldn't know that it meant, what it fully meant until now.  The wands form an arrow that point to a bright future, where hate and bigotry are a thing of the past.  The wands direct us to a hard won equality, where fundamental freedoms are acknowledged and respected.  Today, love is the law.  Success, indeed.

2 comments:

Alison Herrington said...

Your words help others understand. You are a teacher and a translator. You are an interpreter of life.

Mary K. McGraw said...

Great post, thanks for sharing.