Thursday, October 16, 2014
It's been over a decade since I took those first steps into adulthood and five years since I've been back to the City. At one point, I couldn't imagine leaving it behind. So much of who I am was hammered out in those early years... pounded down, cast in the fires and forged anew each day. I think back to those moments of certainty and chuckle a little to myself. That vision of where I would be and where I was meant to be changed and in that change, I started over and found a new life. The new life was tested by illness and made stronger by survival. That new life found roots and built a venture, bead by bead. That new life has grown in love and stretched higher and deeper than I ever could imagine. That new life is here now.
As I prepare to embark on a trip back to the City that helped shape me, to see people I knew and places I've left my heart, to walk the paths I once walked, and retrace steps I've taken before... there's a mix of excitement, nostalgia, and a strange sense of hesitation. So much has happened since then. So much has changed. I feel like a stranger, coming home.
As I prepare to leave, I am packing. I'm not just packing my bags with clothes or supplies for classes... I'm packing my heart with courage. It's hard to say why I need to do this. It's not like it's a foreign country or that I'll be alone. I think it comes from facing familiarity full-on and seeing... really seeing... how much has changed. All of the things that have led me up to this point were reactions to actions, a winding road of cause and effect. I think the strangeness stems from a five year full circle, coming upon the first domino again after so many have click-clacked over.
There's no time to dwell. I've got my ticket and there's a train to catch.