The Egg Moon...

After a particularly stressful day, I stepped out on the porch.  It was surprisingly cool and I instantly regretted not taking a walk earlier in the day to enjoy the distinctively nice weather.  Soon it'll be too hot and muggy to enjoy a leisurely stroll without getting overly sticky.

As I thought about my day and all the things I didn't do that I wanted to do, I noticed how bright it was outside (after 9PM) and looked up.  I saw the moon, looking like a glowing egg precariously balanced in the loose clutches of some straggly branches.

Before I realized I was even doing it, I was laughing.  I was laughing at myself... or maybe at the moon... or maybe at the mental image of an awkward bird poking its head from the Egg Moon.  I don't know.  Perhaps this was a grade A example of lunacy.

What I do know is that I work a lot.  It seems like I am always in the middle of something and trying to make something happen.  And while I enjoy what I do for the most part, there are days when it seems harder than usual or necessary.  Over the years, I've learned to cut myself a little more slack... I've come to terms that I can only do so much and there are limitations to what I can accomplish.  It's a hard concept to come to terms with, especially for a workaholic like myself.  I have to remind myself of this simple fact every now and then to keep it fresh in my mind.

I think where the friction arises comes from the intersection of my own expectations of myself and those of others.  For example, I expect my friends and colleagues to be loyal or that they won't take advantage of me or that the work I do is not in vain.  I hold them to the same principles that I hold myself to.  And I know that it's stupid.

"Expectation breeds disappointment."  This was a lesson that I was taught early on.  In her thick Filipino accent, my mother constantly said, "Don't count the chicks before the eggs hatch."  With this logic, I could wait all the rest of the nights of my life for the Egg Moon to hatch, but it never will.

The message I took away from my moment out on deck wasn't to abandon hope and retire to the loony bin.  It was that if there is something that I want or there is something that I feel is important to express, I have to be the one to do it... I have to be the one to say it.  I can't expect others to want to do what I feel is right.  I can't expect someone to care about what I care about.  I can't expect others to acknowledge my feelings without expressing them first.  Bottling everything up only hurts me and there's no room for growth or a way to alleviate a situation.  I can't change anyone else.  I can only change myself and my expectations.

The Egg Moon will only hatch when I give life to the little fledging within.  The bird of my imagination can only take flight if I give it wings and allow it to soar.  Wishing and waiting for something that will never be is only a lesson in frustration.