Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Speed Bumps...

I've not posted lately.  It's not for lack of material.  By golly, there's a backlog of photos from Tucson, snapshots from gallery openings, and various projects in the works... but I haven't felt too much like writing lately.  The biggest reason is that I've found another bump.  It's not far from the original skin cancer site and frankly... it has me a little worried.

I've been trying to be positive and keep up with things, but there's a niggling little thought in the back of my mind... "Maybe it's cancer again."

After my first diagnosis, I had such a weird feeling of being betrayed by my own body.  My cells were rebelling and fighting against me.  All my life there has been adversity of some form or fashion, but all of it came from outside forces.  Prejudice, bigotry, loss... all of them could be weathered.  With enough inspiration, creativity and vision... I could see past the things happening around me in favor of something bigger, brighter.... better.  But when the very fabric of your body turns against you... there's a sense of powerlessness.  And when you feel that amorphous sense of being out of control of your own destiny, it never really leaves you.  A little seed is planted.  As a survivor, you carry that seed around with you, that it could happen again.  The possibility is there.  And there's worry that that seed could one day sprout and that terrible creature could strike again and that picture you've worked so hard to create... could... just... fall.. apart.

So, yes... there is a new little bump and no, it's not definitive if it's cancerous or not.  Hopefully it's just an ingrown hair or a stubborn pimple or a blackhead that won't go away... and that with a little more time, it will go away.  I have spotted it and will be monitoring its growth and should things get worse, I will definitely head to the doctor's to hopefully catch it in an earlier stage this time.

Sometimes there are unexpected speed bumps that come along; you can either be derailed completely by them or continue on.  I wish to carry on.

35 comments:

Joan Tucker said...

Andrew, doctor now not later; they can test it immediately. good luck hugs, Joan T

Cynthia said...

Andrew,
I agree with Joan T. Please go now, so you can get it behind you. Why spend a few more days/ weeks worrying and wondering? They can do a quick biopsy, and hopefully, give you the good news right away!
I know how you feel about your body betraying you. I recently had a near miss with my colonoscopy. While the polyp was benign, it was almost cancer. So, now I know my body is capable of betraying me.
For you, I'm praying it's just a pimple!! (have never prayed for a pimple before!!)

Andrew Thornton said...

I'm just concerned that it's too early to tell and that I'm letting my paranoia get the best of me. They did a PET scan after the last surgery and couldn't find any residual cancer cells. I want to monitor it a little more before going in. Not only that, but my temporary health insurance from the last bout with cancer has run up and I have to go through the process of applying again before I can go in. So... in either case, I still have to wait.

Lori Anderson said...

Andrew, I'm thinking of you.

Kay said...

Andrew -
May I suggest a meditation when you go to bed? Just relax and close your eyes and visualize the cells and organs of your body working like a very efficient factory. Happy little cells fixing the fixable, discarding those beyond repair . . . I know, it sounds kind of silly but it works for me when I am worried about illness. At least it's better than going to sleep (or trying) with fears and worries on your mind.

Handmade Jewelry by Peggy Li said...

Thinking positive thoughts for you, Andrew!

Rebecca said...

Thinking of you Andrew, and I do think the sooner you go to the doctor the better. If it's something you can feel and even more, if it's visible, you must have it tested. We'll have more auctions, we'll raise the cash. We'll all be here for you, but the sooner you can go the better.

Patty said...

Sending hugs and healing thoughts your way, Andrew.

VanBeads said...

Andrew, please go to the doctor NOW. Don't wait. They can tell you if you need to worry or not. And if they tell you not to worry, then you'll sleep a whole lot better. I'll be thinking of you!

Margot Potter said...

Sending love, light and visualizing you cancer free.

If you need an ear, a shoulder...I am here.

Love
Madge

The Bead Place said...

Andrew, I will be sending positive vibes your way and thinking of you more often. Do what you feel is right and don't worry about the repercussions until it's time. Our trade is a family and families do whatever it takes. Here's to it being nothing but a stubborn pimple. :)

The Bead Place said...

From Abbi, by the way. :) I can't keep all these accounts straight.

Alice said...

Andrew, the things you have already weathered have helped to make you stronger. You can weather this one too, no matter the outcome. In the mean time, I'll be keeping you in my prayers, and praying that no cancer is found.

quiltingjewel39 said...

Andrew - I can understand your feelings - I am a cancer survivor also and those thoughts will always be in the back of your mind. That is where you need to keep them -stay positive and I love Kay's suggestion - visualization is powerful. Please do go to the Doctor now-don't wait. I will be thinking and praying for you.

LisaS said...

Hi Andrew, Have been following your blog for a few months now...As others have mentioned here, meditation can be helpful and I just wanted to let you know about an online Meditation Challenge that just started which you may be interested in. Besides going to see a Doctor, meditation can be calming and definately worth investigation for its benefits:

http://chopracentermeditation.com/bestsellers/meditation_winter_2012/register.asp

A friend told me about this yesterday...so I am passing the info along ;)

Patti Van said...

Sending you healing thoughts and prayers....take care..

Joan Tucker said...

Andrew, I also am cancer survivor here; I do a turquoise butterfly meditation and that is good,, but it it also prudent to go to the doctor and get a biopsy; the bill can wait.
Early intervention is always best.

Sending butterfly healing from Lana and Joan.

Melissa Meman said...

go now, if you can, buddy! thinking of you!

Carol D. said...

Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. Lots of good suggestions here. Hope it helps to know so many care about you and your health.

Gaea said...

: ) Just sending you good and positive thoughts!

somethingunique said...

Hey there Mr.Andrew...I am hoping it's only a nasty pimple like u say...sending prayer your way...so I am finally back on line...I have been out of commission for months with little or no Internet service...thank goodness for my
Cell phone and Facebook or I may have been in the loonie bin...I am so isolated and alone it's nice to have my wonderful bead family to keep me sain...so it's nice to stop in and say hello and I have missed you a lot...take care of yourself ans if it doesn't seem to be healing promise to get right in and take care of it okay...ttfn Lana

indigo heart said...

andrew, we'll raise the money to send you to the doctor. just give us the go ahead. you're in my prayers.

Lori Bowring Michaud said...

Go NOW Andrew, please. Please do not wait. It's better to be safe than sorry. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

SummersStudio said...

Oh, Andrew, I am so sorry you have this fear in your life right now. I really do understand what it is like to live with it. I waited 3 years to do some preventive health maintenance and I am in a bit of pickle that quite possibly may not have put me where I am at right now. So, please, please go and have it checked now if for no other reason than it will give you peace of mind.

Kathleen Lange Klik said...

Thinking of you! Please make an appointment with your doctor as soon as you can...life is too precious to put on hold.

taralinda said...

Pls. Check now Andrew; No harm in seeing if PET scan was right.
Peace of mind= peace in the body. Also- daily visualization/meditations through the body do work; light filling each cell, mending all.

TesoriTrovati said...

Oh dear. Andrew, you are in my prayers. Please heed the advice of others and have it checked out. If for nothing else than to salve your raging mind. I am thinking of you...

Erin

Cynthia@Ornamental Style said...

Thinking of you and hoping for a positive outcome.

Shannon Chomanczuk said...

thinking of you

Jenni said...

Please go ASAP...so important. It is probably nothing...but do not let it go when you can get it looked at NOW! Hope all will be well.
Jenni

Sharon Driscoll said...

Uh, okay young man what do we have to do get a whole car load of "old babes", drive to Pennsylvania, and drag you to the clinic? Make the appointment and by the time they can get you in the insurance will be in order. ASAP please - or I'm starting the car pool.

Kathy Rebro said...

Please take care of yourself Andrew. Don't squander your energy in worry. I'm sending you good thoughts.

Kathy

Shaiha said...

I also urge you to go to the doctor and am sending healing energy your way

scorpio3200 said...

Andrew,

I've been out of the loop...darn cold kept me from keeping up on things. I am just now seeing this post and hope you have listened to all the wonderful advice...DOCTOR and meditation, both with ease your mind. You are in my thoughts and prayers...
~Kari

LLYYNN - Lynn Davis said...

Take care of you - and I'm thinking of you. Don't procrastinate, just go ahead and find out. Worry is bad for your health!
Hugs,
Lynn