Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Other Side of Morning...

The days (and nights) have been long lately.  I often find myself working through the night until the windows start to lighten with the pink glow of dawn.  It's that time of year.  The holidays are just around the corner.  Being in retail, we're scrambling to collect as many proverbial acorns before the cold season sets in.

We'll be going to Florida for Christmas and taking a week off to meet up with my siblings and parents.  We really shouldn't leave.  It's the last big hurrah before things start tapering off for the winter.   In theory we should stay to sell as many holiday gifts as possible, but this will be the first time that the whole family will have been together for Christmas in 25 years.  It's hard to believe that it has been that long.  It's also the first time that all of the siblings' Significant Others will be under the same roof at the same time and William will finally meet my parents.

I'm looking forward to the trip, but at the same time I get knots in my stomach when I think about it.  Not only is there a lot to do before we leave, but there's another person lurking under my parents' roof that William will meet that I'm not thrilled about.  In fact, I dread it.  That person is... "me".  Not the "me" he knows today, but the "me" of adolescent angst and rebellion.  My parents, particularly my father, have a magical power to transform me into that petulant, bratty, awkward, emotionally unstable teenager all over again.  I can feel my face breaking out already and my voice cracking.

But... maybe things will be different.  Maybe that me of yesteryear will stay hidden in the past.  Maybe now that my brother is back and old wounds are finally healing, things will change.  We were all grieving for so long in our own ways, that maybe this trip will signify a new chapter – a new dawn – in our lives.


Zoe Nelson said...

And William will be there to remind you of who you are now.

Cyndi J said...

I agree that you can't miss Christmas because it will be the first one with your brother in decades. Hopefully, you have some great help to leave in charge of the gallery. Some people do bring out the worst in us. Try not to give them (dad) that power. Make a rule that no one can rehash the past and let the healing begin. And what Zoe said is spot on!

Anonymous said...

wow- there is another person in this world whose parents have the same effect...!!
I have discovered, only recently, that to bring my mate home for the holidays changes so much: it is the reminder that the world has been updated; not as many buttons seem to engage; and it brings relief.
What helps me: 'i don't need to convince anyone anymore of anything & keep your power.' Thank you for posting this! Sounds like it be be an amazing, special Holiday. Safe travels!

Margot Potter said...

I fear our families sometimes get stuck in patterns and they see us in the roles that make them comfortable. It's strange, because these roles are often uncomfortable for all of us and surely not reflective of who we have become. But remember that even if they remain stuck, you are not. You are a bright, bold, brilliant, beautiful creature and you have your wonderful William at your side.

Be in peace,

Joan Tucker said...

Andrew, same story here, but years ago when I brought Lana home to meet my quite fierce father, it changed. Maybe because I had a defense team, maybe because I was happy, maybe because I was not scared any more,maybe because I was loved or maybe because we drew a line in the sand and gave off the energy that the past was over and we had the power to leave if things were not respectful. I wish you lots of personal power and love, Joan T