From Here On Out...

It's overwhelming how much support and love has poured in on here, on Facebook, in email and in person. I feel truly blessed to be surrounded by such caring people.

A lot of people said that it would take time to heal old wounds.  And I totally agree that the natural progression is to take things slowly and let things flow.  But on the other hand, it has been so long already.  I think one of the things that has helped was the opportunity for us all to be together... for us to get to know one another as the people we have become.  I really couldn't afford the trip down, but not to go... not to seize the opportunity, that would be something I would regret.  So I went... not knowing what to expect.

While we were together, we created memories to replace the ones that are threadbare and nearly forgotten.  We talked and laughed and the new memories did much to fill the gaps and long stretches of time that we weren't connected.

The "babies" have helped a lot as well.  Max and Azalea are a new generation and are untouched by much of the baggage.  Seeing them love so easily is refreshing.  It is sweet to witness the sheer joy and pure excitement of having another family member.

It's not the first time that the children have brought this family together.  Before Azalea, we were all set on different paths.  Dwayne was still missing, Sheila was in Thailand, Cynthia was in California, and I was in New York.  Our parents remained in Florida.  Our grandparents were still alive and living in Missouri.  Talk about being far flung!  We were scattered all over!  I talked with my sisters and my parents rarely – I was more concerned with standing on my own and being independent.  I was tired of all the fighting and sad faces back home and wanted to see who I was away from the shadow cast upon the family.  I did talk with my grandparents often and would tell them stories of what it was like living in the City.  They seemed both amused and disgusted by my descriptions.  My heart was "blessed" several times over in the course of the conversations.  Through them I also heard family news and kept tabs on everyone.

When Azalea was born, things changed.  Our family slowly began to knit together again.  Sheila came back from Asia.  My parents relished in their new role as grandparents and I became a frequent visitor of Asheville and my sisters became some of my best friends.  It's strange how much things can change in an instant.  Seeing her was like my heart grew ten sizes.  I was so afraid of touching her when I first saw her.  I didn't pick her up.  I just stared at her in the cradle and she stared back.  I was afraid that I might break her; she was so small and innocent.  

Azalea is the age now that I was when Dwayne left.  When I look into her face, it is not sad.  Her eyes are not red-rimmed and her cheeks are not tear-stained.  What I see is endless possibility and the promise of bright days ahead... from here on out.