This Is Where I Live...

When I lived in New York City, it was hard for me to imagine living anywhere else.  I thought that I would spend the rest of my life there.  So much of me was forged there.  I use the word "forged" for a reason.  The action of forging a raw piece of metal includes burying it in an inferno and then hammering it.  Not only does this give it shape, but the task gives it strength.  It's a dirty process that requires a lot of energy.

I also use the word "forged" for another reason.  It means "faked" or "counterfeited".  I was living for so long in survival mode.  While on many levels, I was fulfilled and content, part of me was always struggling for some thing genuine and real.  The idea that the life you're living can be anything but "real", seems counterintuitive.  But so much of what I did was due to a series of events that were out of my control.  I worked to pay the bills.  I lived where I did in part because it was where I could afford to live.  Even the decision to have a pet was made for me.  "No pets allowed!"  But... the biggest concession... the biggest lie... was the idea that if you were an artist, you had to live in the City.

(A case for living in a bigger city to improve the odds of success in an arts career can be made.  The idea that one's ability to be a maker of images is intrinsically linked to a geographic location, however, is not necessarily the case and can be unhealthy, but as foolish as it sounds, it was a delusion that I was suffering from.)

I think when I started to be more genuine in my approach and made actions from a place of seeking something "true", some of the barriers started to dissolve and my life changed.  I embraced the change.  I learned to love, I honored my muses by pursuing a career in the arts full-time, and I opened myself up to the idea that I could be a catalyst of change and that if I wanted something, I could make it happen.  I was not just subject to chain reactions... I didn't have to be just another domino to be knocked down.

So, this is where I live.  It's not just a place, but a state of mind.  I am surrounded by beauty and can appreciate it.  I didn't realize that what I was being forged into was a vessel.  Closed, it remains empty and can only reflect the world on its surface, but when opened, it can be filled with potential and limitless possibility.