For the past few days, I have been struggling with a nasty, persistent migraine that started on our way back from vacation. The only remedy has been cool, quiet, darkness – and in that darkness there has been time to think, dream, and ponder what the next three years will bring.
I woke up one day, not too long ago, and realized that my heart was broken. How can you go so long without realizing that at the center, at the core, something is missing? The silly thing is that I didn't even realize it was gone. But while I was away, a gentle understanding washed over me as I stood, standing there doing the mundane task of washing dishes. The window was open and the evening songs of the crickets, the frogs, the night birds, the distant clicks and snaps of far off bugs filtered in and I realized that I missed the quiet that was not quiet at all. I missed the smell of freshly cut grass on the breeze. I missed the twinkling of stars and the light of fireflies. I missed these things so very much. That's when I connected all the dots and my days in the City became numbered. I don't know how or when it'll happen, but my chapter here in the City is coming to a close... for now.
In an effort to streamline my life and make ready for the yet defined Move, I'll be clearing out a lot of my stuff. That includes my milk glass collection, my vintage Avon bottles, my bead stash, and my jewelry horde. The jewelry horde will include vintage pieces and some that I've made. So, it'll be a unique opportunity to get ahold of some of my work. For larger items, I'll be making posts on CraigsList and the like. The prospect of letting go is both exciting and frightening.
It's my goal to lead a more genuine and in touch life. It's funny how stubborn I can be. It takes me days of blinding pain and darkness to affirm things I already know: Popularity means nothing. True friendship needs no words. Listen to your heart – it has all the remedies. Forget slights and insults and remember happy times. You are a force of change.
17 comments:
I wish you the best of luck in your next journey!
Good luck Andrew. Your post this morning is beautiful and heart felt. You have truly listened to your heart.
I think it is wonderful that you were able to focus and realize that something was missing in your life. Seems like a hard thing to do these days with so much going on around us... I hope that your next move takes you closer to restoring your heart... Little by little it happens...
It is odd isn't it how rather suddenly the pieces fall together and you can define what needs to happen. I am very happy for you. Warm wishes for a peaceful journey.
Really, really nice post, Andrew. (I'm glad your headache has gone, and you're back to blogging.) I wish you the best for wherever you decide to call home -- perhaps closer to here? From the first time I visited NYC, I said, "Gosh, I'd love to live here for 2 or 3 years." For myself, I eventually realized it would not be some place I'd want to call home permanently. It's been years and many trips since I first visited, and things have changed. Now, I'm happy with a visit every year or so.
Best,
Patti
It is amazing what your heart tries to tell you that your mind ignores. I am so glad that you have reached a place in your life that you could appreciate that...and that you have the courage to see it through. It is always easier to stay the same but a bud doesn't flower without growth. Sometimes that it hard. Sometimes that is freeing. But it is always about changing and becoming who you are.
Wishing you strength for the journey ahead, clear skies to fix your eyes on the horizon and a happy heart for following your bliss.
Enjoy the day!
Erin
Bravo to you for leaping! Can't wait to hear about the next part of your life.
Ann
Ah the song of an open heart.
The universe pours all manner of things in it.
A beautiful thing.
Preach!
To every season, there is a time. I'm happy for you that you are moving toward more peace and simplicity; I am trying to do the same. I look forward to your own Soul Clearing Sale.
Happy Blogaversary!!! *giant hugs* And I'm so sorry you weren't feeling well. Migraines are awful things.
(And good luck with moving out into the country! We're still coping with moving into a more rural area. It's been kind of interesting...but yes, lots of fireflies!)
I'll send you lots of thoughts and hope your heart will be fixed again. Nicki
Andrew, I am not surprised to hear this and wish you luck on your next move. Seems like many of my "online" friends are making moves, not from NYC, but other places. Something's in the air. I remember feeling the way you do about 18 years ago. I left the city and was away for 5 years. I came back though as I missed it terribly after thinking I was done for good, lol. Having grown up here, there is another level of deep connection I can't shake, but I am finally happy here. Hope you find that place too.
It occurs to me the migraine was that knowingness working its way to the forefront, a really painful path, but such sweet relief as the pain trades places with blessed awareness.
Now that you've come to this awareness and your transition begins, waves of synchronicity will astound you on a daily basis. It's a breathtaking ride, one to be savored and enjoyed.
be well - blessings, kvk
Congratulations on your insight into your heart's needs. Even a migraine can have something positive (and I know lots about migraines...) Wishing you well on your journey!
Andrew, we are traveling in the NE and I missed this post. I too had migraines for many years.. searing clarity sometimes comes..
Try rereading your posts and look for a pattern of happiness, creativity, spaces where you feel the very best..
perhaps a guide to your next nest will emerge.
Hugs from Joan and Lana
Thank you, that was extremely valuable and interesting...I will be back again to read more on this topic.
Fantastic site, I hadn't noticed andrew-thornton.blogspot.com earlier during my searches!
Carry on the fantastic work!
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