Learning to Say NO...

As I have continued to tackle my lists, I've noticed that several of the list items would have been readily resolved had I said NO to begin with.  While it's never a popular answer, I think people would appreciate my honesty and my being upfront than being strung along.  I have a problem with wanting to make everyone happy and even when it goes against my gut, to try and accommodate the needs of others.

Part of this I think stems from my (half) Asian roots and my rearing in the South.  It's a mix of good old-fashioned Southern Hospitality and the desire to honor one's guests.  There are certain rules about how to be both a good host and a good guest and I think a lot of these guides translate to my everyday life.  I can't stand the thought of someone coming to my house and leaving hungry or the idea that a gift isn't thoroughly analyzed for maximum happiness factor.  Or when you go to someone's house, to always bring an appropriate gift and never come empty-handed.  When serving guests, as the host, one must go last... making sure that everyone has gotten their generous share first.  Cautionary Greek myths about hosts spurning their guests have been burnt into my brain.  You never know when a god might be disguised as your next dinner party attendee.  So it's always best to err on the side of caution and be the most accommodating as possible!  These sensibilities were further enhanced by years of working in the service industry.  It's ingrained that you must bend over backwards to provide the best customer service and all-around experience as possible.  If the patron doesn't leave absolutely happy, you've not done your job to the fullest extent.

I think  another layer of my inability to say "no" comes from working in freelance.  As a freelancer, I feel you have to dig a lot of trenches that connect into your main goal.  Hopefully all the little trickles add up and are enough to keep the creative ship afloat.  Often times, the trenches lay dry and result in nothing.  You end up sowing a lot of ideas and proposals with only a few actually taking root, growing and developing.

While there are certainly virtues attributed to this mindset, it's easy to take on too much.  Days go by when I feel like I've been spread too thin.  I want to be everything for everyone and it's easy to lose sight of oneself and of the priorities.

So as I continue to work through my lists, I must go forward knowing my own dispositions and be more discriminating and judicious in the things that I agree to.  And most importantly, to trust my gut when it warns me against taking on a project that doesn't feel right.  I think that this will allow me to focus on the things that are important to me and help me prioritize.