Friday, November 04, 2016
Something Out of Nothing...
But... I wasn't always so convinced.
When we first moved to Pennsylvania, I didn't really know what to expect. William had his family and his childhood friends, but me... I didn't know anyone. I was a stranger in a new place. For me, New York was the place that I really became an adult and forged life-long friendships. Even in a city filled with millions and millions of people, New York had become my familiar stomping grounds, my neighborhood, my small town in the Big City. If I needed something to do, there was always something going on and someone to go with me. If I needed a friend, all I had to do was pick up my phone or send an email and a little while later, there would be someone to tell an inside joke or raise a cheerful toast.
Although I had loved New York and my friends that lived there, in my heart, I had been ready to depart. A breeze was blowing at my back, urging me to go forward.
The first few weeks were spent unpacking and setting up home. William had been called back to New York to train his replacement and I was all alone. The days were incredibly full with just trying to reclaim a sense of normalcy and routine. And then, when that was done, a sense of loneliness started to set in and I started to get homesick. Winter had started in earnest and I was trapped inside the house, looking out on an empty landscape of cold white... a mirror into my own heart. Eventually I fled to warmer climates and stayed with friends and family to avoid the brunt of winter's icy grip. When it warmed up, I returned and I filled my days with walks in the woods and dreaming up dreams. I spent my days looking at plants and the big sky and trying to feel not so adrift. Life was good, but I couldn't shake my sadness.
I had a dream of a place where people would gather and make things. I had a wish for a place with beads and art and all the things that interested me. I had wanted a place filled with little sparks of magic and friendship and camaraderie. I wanted this place, but it didn't exist.
So, as a maker of things, I made it.
When you open yourself up to possibility and give yourself permission to believe in your dream, the Universe has an amazing way of conspiring to help you. Now, don't get me wrong. It wasn't always easy and I had a lot of help and at times I questioned why I put myself out there at all, but then there are moments when you look at your life and see how amazing it is. You see that the dream you dreamed on cold winter days, all alone, and sitting in an empty room, and you see it alive and real. You survived the tests and marvel at how something came out of nothing... something that was only an idea now inhabits physical space and exists not just in your mind, but is shared by others and is a place that they can go too. It is something for someone else too.
It's humbling and it makes you appreciate what you have. And most of all, it bolsters your spirit and speaks to your heart. It says, "Anything is possible. Dream as big as you want to dream. If you will it, you can make it so."