Saturday, August 27, 2016
Yesterday, I replied to a group of bloggers that I belong to. One of them had commented on how the participation on their blog and the numbers of their daily readers had dwindled. I've noticed this too, but I sort of just figured that it was because I wasn't investing much time into the blog. Like any relationship, if it's not nurtured it'll eventually wither. Over the past few months, I've been thinking a lot about what I had left to say... if there was anything left that I wanted to say.
As I looked out on the water and the sky, I noticed the mirrored balance. All around me was a sense of completeness. Ahead of me and behind me and all around me were forces held in a delicate equilibrium. And it was there in me too.
I've rarely felt in my life a total sense of well-being and wholeness. For most of my life, I've walked around with a mystery in my heart, an absence that ran so deep that I thought it was just another dimension of who I was. Never did I realize that there would be a day when that mystery would be solved. Never did I see myself truly happy. I always saw myself as someone who would always see what was missing, always searching for what was gone. Strangely I find myself glutted on fullness. Now that I've sat at the banquet table of life and had a big meal, I'm ready to rest. I'm ready to pat my belly and nod off with a slow smile on my face. As I type this out, there's a beautiful cat purring and trying to nap as I tap out my thoughts. I'm sitting in a room, in a quiet house, filled with love and good memories.
So... where do we go from here?
I always come back to gratitude. Be humbled by the blessings in life and operate from a place of appreciation. I think when I was younger, when I thought of gratitude, it was a concept that existed to fill the void of what was lacking. Now my challenge is to operate from a place of quiet contentment. I know that there are faults in the world and there are things that could be fixed, but somehow all that seems like just a passing shadow... and not the vista. Now is the time to reach within, and go deeper than ever before. Go deep, knowing that I'm grounded in contentment. Now is the time to listen to the words that I've always wanted to say, but never knew how to form, to learn a new language made manifest by a healed heart.