Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Honoring One's Spirit...

I think somewhere along the trip, perhaps while I was walking in the woods by myself, a thought occurred to me.  At first I wanted to reject it and not let it enter my thoughts.  But slowly, step by step, the realization began to sink in and I could not deny the Truth of this thought.

What might that thought be?  Well, the thought that crossed my mind was that I was not honoring my spirit.  Somehow I've gotten caught up in the game of keeping up, stuck in survival mode with the simple goal of keeping afloat and making ends meet.  I haven't been able to spend as much time focusing on my art or of the making of things.  My happiness, I think goes hand in hand with me creating things.  I am an artist and that's just what we do.  We make things.  Without this, much of the zeal of life is syphoned away.

In many ways, I am very happy.  I am very fortunate to have friends, family and people that genuinely love me as I love them.  But I feel as though much of my energy and focus is being redirected.  I am not honoring my spirit and this is causing me not to appreciate what I am blessed to have.

It feels as though I've entered myself in a race that simply can't end well.  My trip reminded of what it was like not to be exhausted or stressed out.  For a little while, that old inner peace came back.  It invited me remember what is important and to fight for it.

What this will mean in practical terms is hard to say.  I haven't yet come to a full decision about anything.  Though I think some big changes are on the horizon that will allow me to honor my spirit the way that it needs to be.


tony said...

hi andrew
it's been a while...i have been away from the "blog world" for quite some time now but i am slowly making my return...change has been a constant in my life...and moving...well as you know i've done lot's of that...and as for "honoring one's spirit"...it seem's for me i often get soooooo caught up in what i do...i forget what i do...it becomes just another part of my day instead of something magical...and perhaps if we honor out spirits a little more the magic will return...

Andrew Thornton said...

Hey Tony!

It's nice to hear from you.

I agree that there's magic everywhere around us and that it takes the "magic eye" to see it all. But I also think that we are all meant to do things. It's like something written inside of us. Maybe we write it? Maybe some greater Being did? But regardless, each of us has something inside of us. In the Hindu tradition, it's called dharma. When we are not doing what we need to do, we go against our dharma and are forced to trudge through, over and over, until we finally do what we're supposed to do. I guess I'm just trying to find a way to do what I'm supposed to do.